Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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