We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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