You're so nebulous sometimes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize