1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
