i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
