She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
