one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
