my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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