i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
