Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
