3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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