I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So vagazzling was a success
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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