Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
