Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
