I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
