She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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