Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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