I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
