At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
