At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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