No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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