I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
