My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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