I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
