I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FUCK WHALES
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
