Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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