why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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