Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The ass gains better be worth it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize