I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My hand turned me down
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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