i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
