Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
