Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
