i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
