their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
