Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
