I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
