i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
