he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want a musical about memes.
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