Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you traded sex for a burrito?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
