There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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