There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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