Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
