speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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