did you get engaged???
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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