He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
