You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
