Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
