You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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