I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
