Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
