Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
