I wish I could punch you in the face.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize