she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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