Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
