Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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