He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
