Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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