dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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