areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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