M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
