Fuck appropriateness.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
