It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
