I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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