I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
