Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
