my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
