The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
