tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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