Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I need moral support for this bender
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
